Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Am I Being Punked Right Now?

I've been sick for days, but I still have to do stuff since I have that one job: Mom. Today I had to go to the fabric store with Andie to buy some material for a school thing. We picked out a lovely metallic stretch fabric that was 30% off and went to have it cut at the cutting table. There was one customer there who had just finished getting her fabric cut and then she left. So it was just me. And so I put my fabric on the table and the cutting table worker lady said, "Oh! Did you take a number," as she pointed to the little number dispenser. Are you kidding me, I thought. I'm the only person anywhere near this table. Isn't that just a waste of paper? I noticed a digital display up high showing a big number 20 as I took number 21 from the dispenser.

As I stood there, swaying faintly from weakness and nausea, I watched her fiddle around superslowly with whatever she could think of. I closed my eyes for a little micronap and also so I wouldn't make an Are You Serious? face at her, because that would be a little rude. But HOLY COW!

After a very long minute or so she ran out of things to 'do' but didn't so much as look up at me before she walked in the opposite direction over to a phone. I could NOT believe it when she held the handpiece to her mouth like a microphone and announced over the loudspeaker, "Attention customers: we are now serving number twenty one at the cutting table. Serving number twenty one."

Then she walked back over to me and said, "What can I do for you," as if she had just now noticed me standing there.

Okay, now I couldn't help it. I pointedly turned my head in both directions, looking at the NOBODY who was standing ANYWHERE within shooting distance and gave her a semi-subtle incredulous look, otherwise known as the Am I On Candid Camera? face. I set my fabric on the table, trying unsuccessfully to suppress a sarcastic smirk, gave my head a defeated little shake, and said, "5 yards, please."

8 comments:

erin noelle said...

I HATE people like that!!! The guy who checked Spencer into his dorm was like that. He handed us a paper and then proceeded to read every word on it. Then he handed us the key as slowly as a human possibly could ever hand over a key. You should have just said, "Are you serious?" I'm getting way more blunt as I age..

gma vh said...

It was the fabric choice. I'm sure.

Misty said...

You did NOT just "take the Diet Coke", Kimi!!!! Seriously! I would have started laughing and called her on her outrageous behavior. Come on, chica.

Si said...

Serious LOL. I can just picture you there.
SO glad you finally are posting again.

Diane said...

Ditto to the posting again. I love to read your stuff. This story is too incredible. Give me a break, some people!

Melanie said...

Oh Kimi, so good to read something from you!!

Becky said...

I hate fabric stores! Too bad you didn't film her doing that. I think that your blog would make a fabulous t.v. show.

p.s. I really need you to tell me when you are posting next. I hate to miss any of your posts!

p.s.s Who would play you and Bob on your new t.v. show?

Whitney Kofford said...

THAT is hilarious! Seriously! So I think you should read my new funny blog. www.whatsyourfunny.blogspot.com
My grammar may very well drive you crazy so TOTALLY feel free to correct me in the comments tab and I will gladly go in and fix it. HA HA!