Monday, May 31, 2010

Redemption at Last

Here's an old classic for you. There was this one time when I was newly pregnant. Newly as in, 'not very far along,' as well as in, 'never been pregnant before.' I was still fitting into my regular clothes, but not so much comfortably. So when we got home from a long day at church I went ahead and unzipped the zipper on the side of my skirt and sat down on the couch for some nice Sunday chillaxin'.

You know how I always forget appointments and stuff, so you won't be surprised when I tell you I forgot our home teachers were coming by for a visit until they knocked on the door. Not a big deal. I mean, I can chit chat like it's none of your business, so I really didn't mind having some short term visitors. As long as they didn't stay so long that I'd miss snack time and stuff. You gotta keep on top of that sort of thing in the first trimester, you know. Anyway, we didn't know them very well, so it was KIND OF embarrassing when I stood to greet them and my skirt fell straight to the floor.

Yeah, it happened.

Naturally, my fondest desire and greatest wish at that moment was for everyone to start laughing hysterically and think to themselves that was the best thing that happened all day. Because it was so funny.

Instead, both of them turned so quickly that how did they not get whiplash? "Uhhh...umm...oh! fish have gotten...bigger...haven't they," they stammered.

Really? That's how you're gonna play it, brethren? The fish?! Are bigger?! Okay, so maybe we had piranhas. And maybe they were growing exponentially bigger by the day. But, srsly. That's the best you can do?

Regrettably, and as I've experienced time and time again, instead of having a great laugh and some impromptu bonding time, we all four sat in awkward desperation for half an hour, each on our own side of the big old elephant in the room. Looking at each other through the legs, around the trunk, under the tail. Big, stinky elephant. All the while, our pleasant conversational faces glued on like the wrapper on a Kraft slice.

Situations like that exhaust me. Freals.

Well, I think the time has come to redeem that unfortunate event and celebrate it as the top notch EM story it was always meant to be.

So raise your glasses high! Here's to the Great Skirt Dive of '89! Cheers!


Suzanne Reese said...

Oh Keems, I'm so glad you've FINALLY posted something!!! One of your posts fills me with happy for days. And I never thought I'd hear a topper for one of my fav all time stories (you realize don't you that your stories always bring out my stories? What's up with that? We must be related.) Anyway, once upon a time one of my wonderfulest friends had just gotten a calling into a stake primary presidency and was at the stake center with all the other new people who kind of barely knew one another. They were all chit chatting and getting to know one another, and people who attended the meeting a that building came flooding out and rushing past them. And then someone taps her on the shoulder and says, "excuse me, do you know your skirt is missing?" She looks down past the folders and scriptures that she's holding and realizes that, sure enough, her skirt isn't there. Just a slip. The errant skirt (a tie on - NEVER wear a tie on) was stuck in her car door. Had been the whole time. So there you're not alone. Love you!

Melwel said...

Love it.....and your elephant in the room THanks for sharing.

Diane said...

Please, please, please post more! I just love your way with words. This story is great. Those folks obviously didn't know you very well. Hopefully, they loosened up later on.

Melanie said...

Fabulous! Like I have said before, how can one person have so many funny stories?

Si said...

You make me laugh. Great story!

Brooke Shoko said...

geez sour kim.
you write sooo well!
post more? thanks :)