25 Random Facts About Me

On Facebook I got tagged to do an exercise called 25 Random Facts About Me. I figured I'd kill two blogs with one post by copying it in here. Sorry if you've already read it.

1. I like to use humor, not out of pain or sadness, but because I think life is awesome and I love to laugh.

2. My friends tease me about having a "cushy life." I am a stay at home mom whose kids are at school all day. Wait a second...doesn't that make me a trophy wife? Oh geez. Well, if that's the case, then I must be a Participation trophy, 'cause I sure ain't First Prize!

3. I had a stroke when I was 30. Soon after, I was diagnosed with Factor 5, a blood clotting disorder. The docs couldn't believe I'd had 5 healthy pregnancies, since Factor 5 is usually diagnosed after multiple miscarriages or stillbirths, none of which I've ever had. So I'm very blessed to have my 5 children. There are a lot of 5s in this paragraph.

The only permanent complications from the stroke are balance issues and short-term memory problems, and I was left slightly dumber than I used to be, which is a total drag.

It's a bummer being dumber.

4. I'm a poet and wasn't aware of it.

5. I never really read books until 1999 when we moved and I won the fight about not hooking up the cable TV (for a while, anyway). The first real book I read was Uncle Tom's Cabin (awesome book, btw). Ever since then I cannot get enough of reading books.

6. I HATE to be cold. I would rather be sweltering hot all day, any day, than to be even a little bit cold. Hot chocolate and I, we're pretty much BFFs.

7. I love stale candy.

8. I started running with a friend two years ago, practically at gunpoint, and have run the Ogden half marathon twice. I'm doing the SLC half this year. I still don't like running.

9. I secretly love my husband's spontaneity. I act put out about it, but because of it I've gone to Hawaii with the whole family on 12 hours notice (eight of them sleeping hours!), I've gotten to do fun, unexpected things on a regular basis, I get out of my comfort zone regularly, and I get lots of surprise gifts! He also LOVES to shop - which is also a big bonus for me.

10. I like to write. Not books, but short essays - perfect for a blog. A while back I started a blog devoted mostly to my embarrassing moments, since I had so many and knew I'd have endless subject material. It's called And Then There Was That One Time.

You can get to it from my FB page if you really want to. I know you want to, Paul.

11. I obsess about my writing; reading and rereading over and over and making changes and then reading and rereading, etc. Invariably, once I post it (or print it, or send it) I find a mistake or something I don't like and then obsess about it even more, partly because of the fact that it's too late to change it.

12. When I'm reading, misspelled words, grammatical mistakes, and typos jump off the page and bug the crap out of me. Sorry; I don't judge, I'm just bugged. I make mistakes, too.

13. I love the computer way too much. And TV. And movies. They're my mini-vacations from life and who doesn't love a vacation?

14. I have a big, fat crush on each of my children. I love everything they do and think they're the cutest, funniest, coolest, smartest, most talented, and just all-around most awesome people I know. It's probably not completely true, but I'll never admit it. I love hanging out with them.

15. I loved my babies obsessively and was sure I'd be crushed when they went off to school during the day and left me all alone, only to find that I reeeeeeeaaaaaalllllyy enjoy my alone time. Much more than I ever thought I would. Perhaps a little too much? Nah.

16. I worry about how often I'm thoughtless, offensive, and selfish towards other people.

17. I don't believe in trying to make my life seem perfect. I welcome others to see how defective I am. I think it's better for everyone if we can see that we are all messed up in our own special way.

18. I grew up riding horses and competing in horse shows and parades, even a couple of rodeos. None of that anymore, but I'm glad to have the memories -and pictures.

19. I am the oldest of 5 girls (again with the 5s!) and when I was young my parents had plenty of expendable income, so I got to do everything, like piano lessons, water skiing, horse riding, baton lessons (I know, right?), travel, etc. By the time I was in junior high my dad had moved us all to Utah (from CA) to go to USU, and they had NO money. So my sisters had a very different childhood than me and had few of the opportunities that I did. But I worked from the time I was 14 and had to buy most of my own stuff, so it wasn't always cushy.

20. I loved high school! I had so much fun and lots of friends. I love even more how I'm now reconnecting with classmates, some of whom I didn't even know very well and who have such different lives than mine that we'd probably not cross paths any other way. Maturity is a beautiful thing. That, and Facebook.

21. I am really bad at decorating. I have this beautiful, big house and don't even know how to make it look good. My friends are always having to help me. This is where I'm thinking Chad Sheen could be seriously handy, after seeing the pictures of his house!

22. I strongly dislike housework. Another problem with the beautiful, big house. It's almost always messy. We have a lot of parties here. one reason: so the house gets clean. That reminds me...we need to have a party soon.

23. I strongly dislike cooking. I have many techniques and tricks to get out of it. I will use nearly anything as an excuse to not cook. Right now I'm going with the fact that our fridge is broken and can't be fixed for a week. Okay, yeah, we have a fridge in the garage, but it doesn't smell right and I refuse to consume anything that's been in it. Wow, that sounds really snooty!

24. I have been to hell and back and opt not to talk about it, but just so you know.

25. I'm pretty sure I have the best friends possible. No, seriously. They are amazing. I don't know where or who I would be without the friends that have come and gone and shaped and changed and inspired me.

There you have it. What are 25 random facts about YOU?

We Came. We Saw. We Squatted.

Oh, I'm so sorry to all my legions of faithful readers who have been starved for weeks without a posting from their favorite blogger! How difficult it must have been for you.

My China trip was SO last month! But I'll try to muster some enthusiasm as I take you on a little photo tour...

First of all, I maintain that, since I've been to China 3 times now (and that's two too many in my opinion) the thing that was most fun about this trip was hanging with my traveling companions. And if that's the case, then I further maintain that we could have had the same amount of fun anywhere! Such as: the Bahamas, Cancun, or Tahiti, none of which I have ever visited and all of which are warm, sunny, and contain beaches. But my crazy friends wanted to go to China. And my crazy husband who goes there virtually every month also wanted to go there (go figure). So off we went. Here are some observations and experiences:

There are a lot of people in China:

One day we went to a mall to have suits, coats, etc. made by the tailor:

One day we had foot massages--okay, maybe two days -- and maybe a head massage once, as well:

One day we went to the Forbidden City and found that we are Forbidden to pick flowers (although it looks like somebody did anyway. I bet they lose their head for it!):

Click on the photo to enlarge it.

One day we found a 4 star squatter!:

Notice who gave themselves the rating.

Here is the International Squatter Symbol, should you ever need it:

Here is the 4 star squatter:

I don't know, I think maybe they should have gone 5 stars.

One day we were trying to find a head massage place in Beijing. The boys left us in one place while they braved the cold to see if they could find a better one (they didn't) and came back with these for us:

One day Laura got food poisoning! Poor Laura! Here she is, unsuspecting, with the evil pork and noodles:

One day Laura sprained her ankle on the Great Wall of China! Poor Laura! Here she is, unsuspecting, moments before. In this picture, I think she's saying, "Huh? What? I can't hear you! Did you say I'm about to spray my cankle? That's rude. I'm just going to hurry down these steps...":

One day Laura crashed head-on with a motorcyle! Poor Laura! Here she is, unsuspecting, and driving like a pro:

Here is Laura lying in the ditch after crashing and being thrown off the road and having the scooter land on her leg:

Here we are on our way home. Those are all our suitcases. We were a spectacle. That's Laura in the wheelchair:

There are many more observations and experiences, but I can only upload so many photos before my brain 'splodes and I smash my computer with a pipe wrench. I know it's not my computer's fault, but I can't smash Blogspot now can I?

We actually had a really great trip, for the most part. Laura says she only regrets a few seconds of it. I only regret most of the food. Other than that, it is a splendid place with interesting people and a fascinating culture.

China is a great place to visit, but I like America better.

We Can Do Hard Things!

Packing for china...easy. Turning 40...easy. Walking on hot coals...easy. Having your oldest son turn 18...NOT EASY!!

As I've said before, many times before, I don't mind aging. I like it. For me and for other people. As long as it's not my own children! It's always a little painful for me when they have birthdays. A little melancholy, a little pang of reluctance, considering that they are one step closer to leaving me. When they were infants, at least with the last few, I shed tears at the most miniscule of milestones. Sometimes they looked older in the morning than they had the night before. Tears. Or they'd grow out of their newborn sized clothes. Tears. I was losing my babies and I knew it, and I didn't like it.

Eventually, the babies were gone and I was sad. But I had these great new "kids." They were funny and talkative. I finally got to hear what I had wondered about for so long: what they were thinking. They could dress themselves. They didn't wear diapers. It wasn't entirely devastating.

Those bookend kids, though, they give me the most heartache. When Andie turns 5, 8, 10, it smarts! I don't like it. When I see the last of them moving forward I find myself wishing I could turn back time.

But watching my oldest is usually more fun. It's all the firsts; first step, first lost tooth, first day of school, first teenager, first driver/dater; those things are not only firsts for him, but for me, too. So it's exciting new territory. Fun to be in on and to watch.

So I was caught a little off guard when, the night before Tanner's 18th birthday, I started to panic. No! I'm not ready! Waaaaaiiiiiit!!!!! Just wait a little while, k? Just until I can get ready for this. We're not in any hurry, right? Heh, heh. *Sweat droplets on forehead.* You don't need to do this. Think about what you're doing, Tanner. You don't need to do this! Don't do it! DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!

Okay, I was kidding about the sweat droplets, but I really did say that, or something to that effect. And by the time I finished, tears were streaming down my face. I was laughing, though, and smiling, but also crying. Tanner got a kick out of it and egged me on with, "No, I'm doing it! I'm totally doing it! This is the last time you'll ever see me as a non-adult. When you see me in the morning, I'll be an adult! So goodbye -- for - ever!" He was joking around, but a part of me was feeling denial/sadness/regret/PANIC!

Knowing what an incredible person he is eases the pain somewhat. But he was my incredible person, and now he's his own incredible person. Well, he's still mine, but not in the same way. Here's how incredible he is: at his birthday dinner he told the kids who were telling me how I couldn't boss Tanner around anymore, "Just because I'm 18, that doesn't mean I don't still need to respect my parents." I know, weird. But he said that. That's the kind of person he is. Respectful, kind, good, honest, trustworthy. He's also very funny, and super-smart, and smoooooth; joe cool. I could tell you stories to prove my claims, but I'd need a lot longer than one blog entry. I can say, however, that I don't know of anyone who doesn't love Tanner. And I know lots of people who adore him. He's pretty great He'll be a great...oh...uh...um...eew...ungh...man.

There! I said it! Ouch. That stings.

Yeah, well, at least he doesn't wear diapers anymore, so, you know, I'm cool with it. I'm fine. No problem...

Waaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

Tanner's Birthday

So I have to quick tell you about Tan's b-day last night. And then I swear, I'm going to finish getting ready for China. We leave in the morning. Yikes! Anyway,

I knew Tan would way rather do something with his friends than with the fam, but I also knew I'd resent it...unless it was my idea. So I called his friends and we hatched a plan:

At school one of his friends told him that they were going to pick him up around 5:30 and take him out for his birthday -- the best night ever -- a surprise! Tanner knew we were planning dinner and stuff, so he called me and, as diplomatically as possible, told me what he'd just heard and asked if we had plans (which he knew we did, but, you know, diplomacy...) So I acted perturbed and told him of course we did and why did his friends plan something without checking first and they would just have to do it another time.

"Can we maybe do dinner another time?"

"What? Of course not! Tanner, it's your birthday, and we're going to have a family dinner and cake and presents! Your friends will have to reschedule!"

"But -- they arranged to leave basketball practice early and everything! And what if they've, like, bought tickets or something?"

"I doubt it."

"Okay mom, that's okay. Uh...it'll be fun. Yeah, dinner's good." He's so polite - tee hee! He won't be rude to me, even if he's dying inside of regret, having to miss out on the best night ever with his friends. And a surprise, no less!

Later his friends kept calling and texting him, saying that if he hurries they might still have time to do it. So Tanner was tempted to pick a fast food restaurant for dinner, and even suggested some semi-fast places before we called him on it and made him choose a sit-down, peruse the menu, take-your-order, tip-the-waiter restaurant. He was so fidgety. I was doing an amazing job of keeping a straight face. I don't know how I did it! I always give it away with my face -- but not this time. I feigned sympathy for Tan with a side of irritation towards the friends. I was so smooth. And the rest of the family were perfection -- no slip-ups whatsoever.

The friends kept up a stream of, "Are you done yet?" "We're running out of time...best night ever...surprise..." and finally, "It's too late. We'll have to do it another time, dang it. We still won't tell you, but it will be the best night ever." Maybe a little overkill on the "best night ever" stuff; I was worried he'd be let down. But it was awesome watching him squirm, torn between his massive regret of missing out on the night with friends, while still trying to be kind and not make us feel like he'd rather be somewhere else.

After dinner we got home and prepared to eat cake and open presents. Tanner went down to his room for a sec and...SURPRISE!! There were his friends. Then I broke it to him that we'd planned it days ago and I'd bought them all tickets to the James Bond movie that starts in an hour.

Boo yah!

Whoa. I gotta go. China calls...

HB to Melissa and Me!

My friend Melissa and I are twins! Well, I mean, other than the fact that yesterday I turned 40 and she turned 18. But still twins, give or take. We were chatting on Facebook the other day and she was telling me she had lots of funny stories from her apartment-living down't the BYU. I asked her to write one and email it to me for my birthday and she said she would. You will, right M'liss?

I asked her what she wanted from me and she said she wanted me to dedicate a blog entry to her. Perfect!

Here's the thing: getting old is SO awesome! Okay, I will admit that, for me, age 17, 18, and 19 can never be replicated in terms of freedom and fun. But eventually, and a little painfully, I had to give that up and move on. I did that by DECIDING that getting old is so awesome. I didn't believe myself at first. It took me a few years during my mid-twenties to learn to relish every age, every year, every new number I got to be. But once I believed, I believed. And I love getting older!

In my mid-twenties I was having children. Actually, in my entire twenties I was having children. During every year that started with a nineteen-ninety I was either pregnant with, or nursing a baby. Nothing can ever compare to that decade. It was awesome. I loved nearly every minute of it. I knew it was going to fly by and I could never get a moment of it back, and so I cherished my babies. I miss them.

The day before I turned 30 I had a brief mourning period for my twenties and wistfully kissed them goodbye. It stung a little, but the next day I ripped the band aid off and dove into the 30s like I'd won the lottery. Not like the big lottery, you know, not the 16 million dollars. More like a decent sized lottery, like maybe about 16 thousand dollars, around there. But I loved it. I thought of myself as all mature like. Like when I clip-clopped through the church gym in heels and thought I sounded just like my mom. So cool. I was a WOMAN. It was strange to think of myself as such, and I still much prefer to be referred to as a GIRL, but technically -- woman.

By then I was volunteering in the schools and when the kids said, "Hi, Mrs. Farley!" it made me smile. And when my young women and primary kids, or anyone, for that matter, call me "Sister Farley" -- love it!

Part of the reason I can love getting older is that I know I don't ever have to act older. I learned from my mom that there is no such age when you can't sit on the floor or have a water fight or have regular doses of hard-core laughter therapy. There's no such age when you have to stop doing anything. Wait, I'd better qualify that. There may be an age when you should stop wearing pigtails. Should, but don't have to if you really feel strongly about it.

Here is what I love about aging:

~You can do whatever you want. You are the boss of you and you can make your life exactly what you want it to be. You might have to work really hard and make sacrifices, but, again, you get to choose.

~You go through hard stuff and come out okay on the other side. You come out stronger and wiser and more grateful -- and way cooler. I love being able to look at anyone older than, say, 35 and know that they have, in all probability, had their heart broken. One way or another. And survived it. That's pretty impressive.

~You get smarter. You know stuff. Lots of stuff. You've been there, done that, and if not you, then someone you love, and you still learned stuff from it. And you can give some pretty good advice about just about anything. Or at least you think you can, and that's really all that matters.

~You get prettier. At least in my opinion. I think everyone should share that opinion, but we're not quite there yet.

~You get wrinkled and saggy. What? You don't think that's awesome? Psh! Whatever! Do you even know how much you have to smile and laugh to get good wrinkles? A TON! You can also get them by frowning a lot, but I wouldn't recommend it, because people will be able to tell if you have frowny wrinkles or smiley wrinkles. The wrinkles don't lie. But they do say, "Check me out! I've been through life! And I've loved it!" (Or not loved it, but that's not what I want mine to say. *Crossing fingers*) As for the saggy; well, let's just say I carried, birthed, and nursed a lot of children to get this saggy. And I'm proud OF it! And besides, they have really good bras and shapers nowadays.

~Gray hair. My fave. No, I'm not joking! I love me some elegant, sophisticated, silver hair. Seriously, if you could get past the 'old' factor, you'd have to admit it's a beautiful color. Don't give me that look! It's the truth.

~Many other things that I would list right now if it weren't for that pesky down side of aging: I can't remember.

So, happy birthday, Melissa! It's not hard to love being 18, so no prob for you. But when it gets a little harder, just remember: One year cooler, smarter, and more awesome.

Or my kids' version: One year weirder, geekier, and more embarrassing.

What do they know? They're young. Poor things.

Log Out. Always Log Out.

Phew! That's so much better. I thought that pink and blue background was going to burn my retinas. I'm liking this seasonal and pleasant background. For now, anyway.

Well, I guess Ali is harder to please than I thought. Now she wants music. Sigh. Okay, Ali, I'm working on it. Gimme a little breathing room, would ya? Geez!

Okay, I'll admit it: I'm kind of excited about the music thing. I just have to figure out how to do it. I will. Really, I will.

On a more embarrassing note...

My friend Craig, husband of April was checking his Facebook at our house last week. The next day when I went to Facebook it was already on Craig's page! He didn't log out! I laughed my evil laugh (Mwa ha ha!) and got to work, first sabotaging his profile. I put his interests as ogling, overcompensating, posturing, and I forget what else, changed his favorite books to the Twilight Series, changed his schooling, degrees, job title, religion (Sikh), political party (Boston Tea Party -- it's real! I looked it up!), and etc. Then I wrote on people's walls, posing as Craig, of course. I told his son to stop going around telling people I had a big hole in my underwear, I told his brother I didn't want to be brothers with him anymore due to his being too "high maintenance," "emotional," and "uncoordinated" and said I'd decided to be brothers with Matthew McConaughey instead because he was more fun and likes to be nude a lot. Which is true. Which I didn't really think through. Which could be taken wrong. Which Craig didn't appreciate.

If I were to name the funniest person I know, it would be Craig. No contest. He can throw a punchline before the end of your sentence. He can be intelligent funny, dry funny, and goofy funny. He can be both laugh-with and laugh-at funny. You can count on some gut-wrenching laughs when Craig's around. In fact, April keeps trying to get me to write the embarrassing story of when Craig said something funny while I was drinking a Lime Rickey at Arctic Circle and I coughed, spewed, gagged, and subsequently THREW UP Lime Rickey all over my tray of food. We didn't know Craig and April very well at that time, but after that bonding moment we knew we'd be friends forever. Did I mention I was exceedingly pregnant? Did I mention I also peed my maternity pants? Good times. (And now you don't have to bug me about it, Apes.) But I digress.

Craig is also extremely serious. He's all smarty pants and stuff. He's a JAG officer in the Air Force. He's always in some leadership position in church. He's a stickler for the rules. I don't really see that side of him all that often, and I'm not a big fan of that side of him, either. Don't EVER make him mad, especially if his family is involved. I've seen it. It's not pretty. Admirable, yes, but NOT pretty.

Let's move on back to the Facebook story, shall we? I didn't hear anything for a day or so, so I texted his son, "Tell your dad to check his Facebook." Tee hee hee! It was going to be so funny when Craig saw my handiwork. Yeah, he was just going to change everything back to the way it was and explain to his brother and stuff, but it would be SO funny! Then nothing. And some more nothing. Finally, I called April and told her, "Has Craig seen his Facebook yet?"

"YOU did that?" she said.

"Well, duh! Who else would do that?" I said. Turns out Craig was convinced that someone had hacked into his page and planted a virus and is stalking his family and is a terrorist and is going to assassinate the president. I went back to reevaluate whether anything I wrote was over the line, but there was no page. He took it down! The whole thing. Grrrrr! I was so irritated that THAT Craig had emerged! I wanted the funny Craig to have found it. But no. So then, after stomping around and cursing "serious" Craig's lack of humor for a while, I called him to apologize. Of course he was totally nice, we're couple BFF's, after all. He explained about his professional and church related reputation and specifically mentioned the Matthew McConaughey reference. That's when I realized it could be taken differently than it was meant, which was supposed to be innocently funny. We worked it out and mutually apologized. He said it wasn't as bad as when baby Tanner threw a brass llama (camel, if Bob's telling the story. But Craig bought it in Peru and probably knows what it is, don't you think?) at baby Brach 15 years ago. "Really?" I said, "That was worse?"

"Kimi. He tried to kill my son."

Oh, Craig. You're so funny.

Techno-Genius

My Sis-in-law/BFF, Becky, calls me a techno-genius. I'm so not. If I was I wouldn't have deleted an entire entry just trying to put a little picture on my blog. Seriously, I'm still hesitant to add pictures because of the painful and, of course, embarrassing fiasco. Also if I was a t-g I would have made my blog cuter a long time ago when a helpful young friend told me, with the best of intentions, no doubt, that my blog was boring. "Not the stories! Just the background," she said. I've been shaking in my boots trying to figure out how to cuten up my blog without deleting it or something. The only thing that makes me appear to be a techno-genius (and may I say, no offense intended, that in order for one to think I'M a techno-genius, one would have to be either techno-clueless or have never seen a blog before or something) is that I will usually at least try something. And the more you dare to try something, the better you get at it.

Up until now I haven't dared try to cutitize my blog. Today I dared. I know it's a little...well...brightly colored, but it was a first attempt. I'll make it even cutier another time. Something a little more...me, perhaps. After I figure out what "me" would look like. These free backgrounds are way too put-together and creative to represent me very well. Something a little more clumsy and/or goofy and/or trying-hard-but-not-quite-pulling-it-off would be a better fit, I think. I probably won't find anything like that. Maybe I'll pick something that represents what I'd LIKE to be if I weren't such a doofus. Mmm, yeah, I think I'll go with something like that. Tune in next time to see what I've found that someone else came up with that I think is an adequate representation of what I'd like to look like, scapbookingly speaking, if I could actually create something like that on my own - which I totally can't.